Hate it when it's his own son crying yet he can turn a deaf ear. Already ignoring his cries and when I call for help, he was pissed that I'm interupting his work. Kns. 

Piece of shit. 

31 October

I woke up this morning weighing 48.9kg! (Without clothes) almost back to pre preg weight! Within 2.5months! Woohoo!

I can't sleep.

IIt's 2.15am and my little prince started fidgiting. I woke up to latch him. He fell asleep shortly after. Then I did my usual pumping after latching him. The time is 2.45am, when I suddenly heard my elder prince crying hysterically. I didn't act on it. But I heard that he was still crying at 3.15am. Went in the room to have a look. It was emotional. I saw my maid holding my precious first love. And not even thinking rationally, I carried my son into the master bedroom and started patting and singing song to him just like the good old days when he was the only one. But after a few seconds, I realise he's no longer the only one. What about the little one in the next room? I started worrying but I felt that everything that is happening right now is God's will. Anyway, true enough my second prince started crying a little. As though he knows he's being left alone in the room. My helper rushed out to look at him. She placed him in the sarong according to my instruction. I went back to my elder son and continue patting him. I was seriously enjoying the moment. I wished I could just indulge in the mother and son moment but at the back of my mind I felt sorry for my little prince. And can't help worrying what is happening in the next room. Also afraid that I keep my helper up. So I asked my helper to give my elder son milk 60ml. But it wasn't enough. I asked my helper to top up another 60ml. This time, my elder prince didn't want to let go of me. I carried him back to my bed and let him finish his milk and pat awhile. Before I had to return him back to my maid. I can't be there for two sons at the same time. And God has given me a man who isn't good with kids or babies. I could have felt negative about this whole thing and start blaming my husband for not even trying to help. But no, this incident let me see how reliable my helper was. No complaints. No questions. She just go with my flow. She's truly an extension of me. I just pray that God would give me more faith in myself as a mother to my 2 boys. 

Mummy is not ard for 5 days and I've dropped almost 1kg. Weighing 49.6kg in the morning now. Good and bad 😁

Weighing 50.7kg in the afternoon.

With clothes on. I weighed 50.7kg. It's October 12 today. Q has turned 2 mths old yesterday. And all in all q is quite a good sleeper especially at night. He needs constant latching at times during the night but I'm quite use to it already. So I still get to sleep my part. :) 

Stress. And missing mummy

Lying alone on the bed with baby q in the sarong. How I miss having mummy around. Anyway I've been quite stress up with riordan. He's a kid who refuses to listen to me or his daddy. He needs the tv to be turned on before he eats. So sad that things has turn out this way. Sigh. Can I trust God on this? That I can find a better way to guide him? He's been using crying as a tool to get away with things and insisting on what he wants. I wonder how should I guide him with his character. Hopefully the playgroup will coach him well.