I will never celebrate my birthday or his birthday ever

This post is to remind myself that I have said this before. Since young I looked forward to all my birthdays. I get excited when my birthday is drawing near and would always feel elated when people sing a birthday song for me with a cake. Doing birthday celebration reminds me of how much love I have and how blessed and fortunate I am.

Unfortunately my husband don't see eye to eye with me. He told me not to go

To Riordans school to celebrate birthday. As he won't remember and he don't want him to be spoilt by such luxury. Just a simple birthday celebration with family would do. 

He commented that I spent so much time and effort doing the cookie for Riordans one year old party. End up who eats it. Who remembers it? Did they even eat it ??! The goodie bag ??? 

I told him I would do anything to put on a smile on my son's face. Yes. He won't remember it when he grew up. But this is how I express my love for him. It was an enjoyment using my skillset to organize a party for him. To put on smiles on everyones face and capturing the moment. 

I told him I can understand why Tricia would want to celebrate her kids birthday in school. That's where their friends and playmates are. Why can't her kids celebrate the birthday joy together. 

I'm australia we also try to give riordan loads of fun. He won't rememeber it. But at that moment when he was happy ... It made me happy too. I don't know if the dad is. But I'm definitely charmed by his smile and wished for more. 

He really cannot understand me. And im sick of his impatience all that. If birthday means nothing to u, but a competition. Just don't fucking celebrate any birthdays! 

Please don't even think about doing any celeb for me because u put me off in every ways. 

Back from the trip

Back to reality. First that greeted us was the warm and humid weather. Then was the reluctance of going back to work and leaving my adorable son behind. My son has been very well behaved! And he doesn't stick around me all the time which I wished he could do that more often..... Anyway. He can just play independently by himself and keep himself entertained. He loves listening to music and would dance when he hears something he likes. Or eat something he likes. Hahaha. He would tilt his head the the side and flash a super cute mega smile. Aiyoo this 13 month old child is really making me love him so so much!!!!!! 

Anyway. Sometimes I just can't stand my helper who tries to be the mommy. I think she has the initiative as a whole but I hate it when she inteferes what I wan for Riordan. I really hope she leaves both riordan and i alone when it's time for us to bond. Just needed her to take care of him when I'm away at work, eat, bathe or decides to take a rest. And damn. She's loud! Noisy. And irritating. If not for how she took good care of riordan, I would have scream a shut up to her. 

Sigh. Wished I could be like mommy who is so forgiving, humble and open hearted.  Oh wells .... 

4th may blog entry

Taking time to write a note on the car ride to phillip Island. Just wanted to jot down the wonderful feeling of being able to see my mum! She has left sg since March 13 and we met up again in May 2. First of all I'm really thankful that my husband is willing to take time off and spend the money to do this trip! He said it was for me to meet up with my mum and before I give birth to no.2 

And so. The plan ride was good. I held Riordan in my arms throughout most of the flight and I'm thankful he was able to sleep through. The whole journey was much smoother than I thought. I stand by many of his toys for fear that he would be cranky during the plane ride. But we didn't really had to go there. Many air stewardess crowd around him. Threw him flying kisses and real kiss. They baby talk with him and our cheeky boy didn't miss the chance. He threw his megawatt smile back at them and raise his eyebrow to look cuter. 

So there we go. 7 hours of overnight plane ride and finally we arrived to the domestic airport to meet up with my dear mummy. 

As I walk towards the arrival hall, from in between the gaps of the pay phone, I could see the pair of familiar glasses and mummy's lips. As usual, mummy carries a little or a worry face and her neck is long as though she's waiting for us to appear eagerly. And I shouted MUMMY!!!! I speed up my steps as I push the luggage trolley! Mummy heard and i saw her quickly grabbing her luggage and ran towards my direction. She headed a sigh of relief and exclaimed "我的女儿". As we hugged tightly. Tears welled up in my eyes and I won't forget the reason why she had to run here to hide. No doubt her life here is much better. But I still feel terribly heartache for her. Many things came into my mind and I really didn't wish to let go of the hug. Until hubby came along and greeted her and ask if she's been good so far. 

We finally let go of the hug. And mummy came over to hug Teckwah too. What a reunion. The best reunion ever! :))))) 

From birth it's breast feeding... To smiling .. To stronger neck .. To flipping .. To feeding .. To crawling..  To sitting up .. To clapping hands .. Gong xi .. To walking .. To wear shoe shoe .. To saying his first accurate word "gou gou" 😅 

All in a year! How amazing :)

Upset.

I am upset because I felt like I'm being ignored or not respected most of the time. I don't feel love at all. Even the mil was better treated by my own husband than he is towards me. 

It's disheartening and I don't know if it's right for me to think this way. I really don't know who to talk to or ask help from. 

So here are some blessings that I need to count. 

1. Last night he came in to the room while I was patting riordan to sleep. Stood on the bay window and release the catch on the curtain. 

2. He took leave to accompany me when he knows my mum is leaving. Worrying that I cannot handle the situation by myself. 

3. He chose to work from home on the bail date of my dad because he is worried for my safety 

4. He always make sure he is there for all my scan appointment and takes a video of the process 

5. He suggested going to Australia to find my mum. 

6. We really went ahead and he paid for the air tickets and expenses 

7. He prompted me to send him images of the balenciaga bag I was looking for when he knows his colleague is there. 

8. He drops me at work every single morning even during the days he don't have to work

9. He picks me up from work when I request. 

10. Haha should I be contented ? Sigh. 

Mummy left the worse man in the world! She left sg to sydney on March 13. And I'm thankful the man didn't make too much noise! Anyway I'm just happy that mum is able to run away and start her life anew :) we will be flying over to aust to see her soon! Will update more!

Post Riordan's birthday

Just wanted to blog about this. This is the first time I work so hard to make a party happen. I don't even put in this kind of effort to my own wedding and naturally I am super excited when the day is drawing near. I'm just happy to be able to give riordan a wonderful first year old party. Some people may say we are spending and wasting money but I feel that ultimately it's the memories that we create makes everything worthwhile. So happy for the photos that was taken during that day. So happy to meet up with many friends on this day. Hahahaa maybe afterall this isn't Riordan's birthday party but mine ?! Lol! Anyway I had so much fun even when I was designing all the party collaterals!