One of the keys to success

“It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.” ― Chuck Palahniuk

You are a slave to your past. Yes, your life might include unfortunate events that are worth getting upset about, but these mishaps are meaningless when viewed through the context of your entire existence. Since your future happiness is determined by how you react in the present, don’t you think it’s time to forget about the past?

I am so confuse

Sigh. I can't seemed to do anything right. I made a mistake again. I grumble about taking care of my baby again. My poor baby. I don't side serve to be called a good mother. Two days ago we went to trish place to eat. And they did a table setting where all four corners has dining mats instead of the usual three. I was puzzled when bil took the seat that is back facing the tv. I asked him why he don't want to watch tv. It had never crossed my mind they placed it that way so that they can keep a lookout at my own son. And I happily took my usual seat that is facing the tv and back facing my poor son. Why why why. Why am I always thinking about myself first. Sigh. I feel down. Feel lousy. Sometimes I sent to get away from the house I'm staying in.  I want to show hubby how angry I am with him. How I cannot take his stubbornness anymore. But I know I am super immature. He is not even angry at me for being so hot temper like slamming cabinet doors and all that. Yet I am thinking of doing so many nasty stuff to him. He thinks about our future. Worrying that once he leave the world who is there to take care of me and r. He is planning for the future yet I am angry at him over the silliest thing. Sigh. 

End up my mum is not able to commit herself to take care of my baby. I ended up switching my work to 3 day work week. My first reaction was happy. Because I get to see my baby more frequently. But when the night falls, I started to feel the tiredness. Just the thought of taking care of him 24/7 makes me fearful already. 

Being a sahm isn't easy. No rest day. No friends. No activities. Only baby here baby there :( I really forsee I can't do it. But what to do, after my maternity leave is used up. I will have to quit my job and be R's caregiver. Sigh..

I need to start smth to do. Either freelance or start cooking. If not I will be super bored and grumpy. And my rs w hubs will suffer 

2nd day back at work. So far so good. Getting enough night sleep. Even though I don't dare to think what will happen to me in the next few months / years. But thankfully my mum is able to help me take care of my little baby. Never felt more assured with this arrangement. I kinda like the break away from taking care of my boy. The constant guessing of what he wants when he whines. The constant fear of him waking up when he is sleeping on the flat motionless space and ostraciZing the rocking cradle. Hope my mother is enjoying taking care of him. 

So I've kinda went back to my pre preg weight after 2 mths. Weighing the lowest at 48.8kg and highest at 50.2kg. :)

I recalled I was about 62-63kg on the last weight measurement before I gave birth. So it was a total of 14-15kg. After birth I become 55kg. Which I dropped 7kg straight. And then took 2 mths to shake the other 7kg off. Yay! Well done girl!

Anyway. Saying that I like the break away doesn't mean I don't miss my son. I really miss him so much. Watching his smile and taking care of him. It brightens me up when I know he doesn't want anyone else but me. I think he can recognise me. If not, the smell of my boobs. Haha. Can't wait for Thursday. Rush home. And spend the weekend with my 2 month old and 1 week baby! I love you R!