Dear lord. I lift Riordan up in ur hands. Lord. U say prayer changes things. I pray for a change in Riordan's small little life. He has been crying in discomfort for many days. And his stomach will be stiff during such cries. Lord, I pray that you take away discomfort from him. Allow me to understand this little baby's needs through his cries. Lord, I pray for wisdom and instinct to take care of Riordan well. I pray that even in the midst of Riordan's cries I will be able to act calmly. And know exactly what to do for him. 

Dear lord. I thank u for this little miracle. I thank u for supplying his food in a miraculous way. Thank u for blessing him to sleep well in most hours. I pray for a healthy and happy boy.

Thank you Jesus.

In your name, amen

Sigh. So many to learn to take care of baby. Somehow when I carried baby, baby always end up wailing even more loudly. And when CL took over, he will be sleeping soundly :( god. Help me to be able to soothe my crying child. 

Prayer changes thing.

My childbirth experience was so surreal. God is with me all the time. Let me share what happened. I was admitted to hospital at 1pm. And my epidural and induce drip is administered to me by 1.40. After that it's all waiting time. Waiting time with my big heavy legs and big tummy is restraining my movements. 

Anesthelogist told me to turn my body every 1-2hrs n I did that feeling numb and afraid that my needle at the back would drop off. 

Anyway it was 4.5hours of waiting before doctor lim came in n said I was only 1.5cm dilated. I worried. Because my energy is depleting. I am hungry. I am uncomfortable. I am tired. I am impatient. 

I prayed for god to intervene. I recall the verse. Do not worry about anything. Instead pray for everything. So I kept praying. I prayed for a healthy boy. I prayed for an escalated increase in cervix opening. 

And I am thankful god answered all of them! I am so blessed that after 5 more hours of waiting, my cervix has open to 8cm. And shortly after a midwife cane and help me push. Hubby also supported me with my head. Midwife ask him to come see Riordan's hair. Hahaha 

I prayed for strength while I pushed. And within 30 mins. Riordan is out. It is amazing. After 40 weeks and 5 days of waiting. Our baby finally arrived to the world safe and sound. 

And the next thing I worried about was breastfeeding because i had no milk first 3 days. I kept rubbing my breast while Riordan latch on. I couldn't figure out the positioning. I worry so much I can't sleep. I am so stress and lonely. No one to talk to. But I prayed for god to intervene again. Prayed for milk supply to come in. Prayed for Riordan to know how to latch well. Then the next morning. God answered everything. A nice lactation nurse came. And checked my nipples. Told me my milk is coming in and Riordan is latching on perfectly. A masseu came in and told me I have milk as she massaged me. And then when I borrowed nail clipper from one of the nurses. Guess what? The keychain says. Prayer changes things. 

Not only has god answered my

prayer. He comforted me through various ways too. I teared as I saw that. I have so many peoole around me encouraging me. Tricia, Louise, Audrey, Weiyuan. 

I gotta be strong. And god will help me through all. 

Praise The Lord! Dear father, I lift Riordan up in ur hands. Continue to bless him like u blessed the whole pregnancy! 

Frankly, after the first check at 515pm dr say im only 1.5cn dilated, hubby n I was kinda thinking it will be a long labour. 

 But I kept praying for a miracle. N true enough, 940pm, doc said I'm 8cm and is a good sign. Thank you Jesus! Praise The Lord! :) 

In 1.5 hours time, I started pushing! 1120 - 1143pm. I prayed for strength. I prayed for Jesus to take over the labour. And I did it! Baby is out! Ohh that moment.. I was shivering a lot after that. But when baby is on top of me, I stopped shaking. 

I kept calling out Riordan ... Riordan. Awwww. Soooo amazing. N doctor also praised what a great job I have done. 

:) 

New born review

Brought him to his first new born review on 17 April. That was the first time I saw him crying because he feels painful from the needle that took his blood. I feel painful in my heart to watch him cry yet can't do anything about it. I nearly teared.. 

AmaZing

Birth is amazing. A life popped out of ur womb. Suddenly the 10 mths seems so worth it. God's gift indeed. Our bundle of joy has arrived and he's going to take a toll on us but it's all worth it. Really. Nothing matters most now. I love my son! So much. Thank God. Hallelujah.

My little joy

1145-1225am was the last feed and he is sucking more promptly without much waking up needed. So cute to be seeing him suckling. So happy my ducts are opened. I love him! Thank God Jesus!

And then he pooed too! So happy to see him slowly developing and 'functioning' well. :) my joy!

Praise The Lord! Dear father, I lift Riordan up in ur hands. Continue to bless him like u blessed the whole pregnancy! 

Frankly, after the first check at 515pm dr say im only 1.5cn dilated, hubby n I was kinda thinking it will be a long labour. 

 But I kept praying for a miracle. N true enough, 940pm, doc said I'm 8cm and is a good sign. Thank you Jesus! Praise The Lord! :) 

In 1.5 hours time, I started pushing! 1120 - 1143pm. I prayed for strength. I prayed for Jesus to take over the labour. And I did it! Baby is out! Ohh that moment.. I was shivering a lot after that. But when baby is on top of me, I stopped shaking. 

I kept calling out Riordan ... Riordan. Awwww. Soooo amazing. N doctor also praised what a great job I have done. 

:) 

Prayers

Do not worry about anything instead pray about everything. 

Dear lord, I thank u for today. For bringing me yet another step closer to the miracle u have given me and teckwah. 

Thank u for guarding me n baby well throughout the pregnancy. It has been a very blessed journey even tho there were ungreat moments. 

Father, please allow my cervix to dilate in great speed that none other can imagine. Perform a miracle on me n give me the strength to push n preservere. To be brave and strong. Take over my delivery n turn my weakness to strength. 

Prayers

Do not worry about anything instead pray about everything. 

Dear lord, I thank u for today. For bringing me yet another step closer to the miracle u have given me and teckwah. 

Thank u for guarding me n baby well throughout the pregnancy. It has been a very blessed journey even tho there were ungreat moments. 

Father, please allow my cervix to dilate in great speed that none other can imagine. Perform a miracle on me n give me the strength to push n preservere. To be brave and strong. Take over my delivery n turn my weakness to strength. 

It's the day

Currently waiting for epidural to be administered to me. My mild contractions are gone. The blood leaking was call a show. I was inserted with the fleet to make me pass motion. Nth like how I imagined. Not painful so far. :D 

Can't wait to see my active son. The ctg tracked him to be really active lol. 

Praying hard there will be no pain for epidural! 

Is this the show?

2am: felt smth flows out. Checked and saw pinkish liquid on underwear and feels sticky. Sat down in toilet bowl and felt smth pass out but I couldn't tell what is it because my toilet bowl water is blue. Monitor.... Since no cramp or doesn't feel like waterbag.

Started to feel light cramping for a few times, a little like stomach ache. 

3am: felt liquid coming out again. Checked and this time panty liner clearly shows pinkish liquid. Sat down on toilet bowl and again smth flow out. Looks like mucus jelly. But I don't know the color since toilet bowl water is blue.

3.21am: no other signs

4plus am: slept through

721am: pink liquid again. Slightly more this time n redder 

830am: Now I'm feeling the mensus cramp, backaches and all. 

How we started

I still smile at the thought of it. That night he sent me home and I was a little tipsy. Before I got down his car, I looked at him and then the kiss just happened. I touched his head, we had a long kiss. After that he stroked the back of my head and we bid each other goodbye. When we were at lunar, we already started holding hands under the table. So secretive and high! :) so the kiss that follows was like a confirm chop - let's be together sign. 

Anyway, he sent me a long message after that telling me to take the plunge. He mentioned our wide age gap and all that. But I was too drunk to think straight. I think I gave him a very fast reply and then off to bed I went. 

I never thought this would be a serious relationship. I thought it would be another fling. Until the next morning.... He texted me saying that he already told 303 we were an item. Then I realise. He was serious. 

And then he was really sweet on the second day. Telling me 'official pampering starts today'. He picked me up from my place. And then got me Anna Sui perfume that I wanted. :) for a moment, I felt like a princess. Really. 

And then we started going out quite often. And escalators became our favourite hugging moments. Oh I really miss that. I still get wet just by thinkng of it. Haha. And his soft and fleshy palms..... They are so nice to hold. So secure. So reliable. So warm. And so comfortable. :) 

2 years and 11 mths since we got tgt. And I can't believe how much I love him even until now. Given my character...... I love you hubby darling. So much so much..Muack!

My son full of character

Seems like another day is going to pass. Hubby asked me to change gynae appointment to Friday instead. So most likely I'd be induced on Friday too. April 11, 2014. It's 2 days from now :) 

Although I'm still hoping for a drama moment. But either ways are fine. So long baby is healthy. 

Im going to see my naughty son soon!

Sweet things from hubby.

He told me he's going to take leave this Friday to accompany me before I get induced for labour.

He thinks for my lunch everyday. He will private text trish to ask her get lunch for me early in the morning.

He worries for me. He ask me to text him every 2 hours. 

When I told him I'm cooking dinner, he told me not to carry heavy pots.

When I told him I can get dinner so he don't have to park his car, he insisted that he do it because he don't want me to walk.

Oh and good news! He shared with me that he will be promoted to senior sm this coming July! Yay! Happy for him that he is progressing at work. I think this is very motivational. Pay increase too. Not too sure how much though. :)

40 weeks and 3 days

Oh hi there. I'm still pregnant. Seriously after so many weeks of waiting and anticipating.....  No labour symptoms surfaced.. But I've already gone so far. What's a few more days to wait? I am just a little disappointed with my own body. Why no come? I was waiting for this adrenaline where we will panic and get excited and start packing to go hospital. But nothing like that leh. So peaceful and calm. This Saturday would be the induce if I still haven't pop by then. 

I am on my fourth day of maternity leave now. Luckily I heed my mom's advice to take leave only at the last minute! Just that my leg was hurting that's why I took one day in advance. anyway, had I not listened to my mum and start my leave at week 38, I would have accumulated a huge pile of cobwebs on myself by now. I still feel that it's abit wasteful though. To be waiting and doing nothing. I guess I just have to enjoy this me time like I always wanted. 

And to practice cooking. Monday's dinner was abc soup and braised chicken wings. Last night dabao. Tonight I will attempt to make minced pork beancurd. And abc soup again. Got to use up my cabbage! 

The past

I am looking at my past entries in youknowsometimes. Wow. The long period where I allowed myself to be drown in bgr, nicotine and alcohol was scary. I allowed myself to get involve with so many guys that I'm not even interested in but end up it does more harm than good. Every single entries are negative. And the empty feeling doesn't get away. It just got worse. And it hurt the people around me.  

So glad that it's all over. And in an instant after I met mr T, everything just become stable and well ;) he loves me, pampers me, scolded me, teach me. To become a better person. I still remembered how he calls me a weakling full of excuses when I told him I smoked because I'm upset. I still remembered how he nagged at me and told me abt his past relationship would always be quarrelling over small things. I still remembered how he ignored me and refuse to come home when I chose to walk alway during an argument. One thing abt him is, he won't get angry at u or mind things any o how. Unless u do it first. But when u throw temper any o how. That's it. He makes sure u suffer the consequence and see if u still dare to do it next time. Of course don't dare. That's why.... We never had big disputes. That's why I love him. He can control me and he doesn't make me angry :) one thing I hate most about people or guys, is time management. But he is always so good with time management. He is so routine. And so consistent. There's really nth it can complain about. :)

Okay. Enough. When is baby popping!

Going crazy thinking when will baby pop

I seriously hope it's going to happen today. My labour. Sighh, what's keeping the baby from coming out.. Isit really so comfortable to be in there? Hmmmmm. 

Check up hopefully the last!

Standing at 39 weeks and 6 days today! Went for checkup and doc lim said that Riordan has faced down!!! Oh my obedient boy. Really listens to mummy and daddy :) so happy! And doc say baby is much lower too. It's a good sign. Hopefully he is guai to come out tomorrow too. That's his actual due date anyway. Cross fingers! 

The dates :)

May 7 2011 - got together 

Jul 22 2011 - hong kong 

Dec 31 2011 - Taipei 

Feb 21 2012 - propose 

Jul 29 2012- ROM 

Dec 31 2012 - Japan 

Feb 28 2013 - Bridal shoot 

May 1 2013 - house ready! 

June 23 2013 - wedding dinner 

June 25 2013 - BKK honeymoon golf trip Pregnant! 

Dec 22 2013- Hong Kong trip 

Apr 7 2014 - Arrival of Riordan

So you have pain now; but I will see you again, and you hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.” (John 16: 19-22)

I love u, son.

Listening to our march in song right now. With my unborn son. :) hey Riordan darling, this is mummy and daddy's wedding song. This is how we have you. :) I love you son. 

39 weeks and 4 days

That's it. I've succumbed to the pain after 2 whole weeks. Tomorrow marks the official day of my maternity leave. 

I can't walk without feeling the pain on my right hip that links to my lower back. Each time I toss around in bed it aches like a bitch. 

I'm going to spend my day talking and reading to Riordan tomorrow. Realize I haven been giving him much pre natal teaching or talking to him. I'm also going to pray n read some encouraging entries for childbirth. 

This evening I saw hubby's email to baby. Asking him to come out soon to ease my pain. I thought it was really sweet. Nearly teared. :) He also ask me to text him once every 2 hour. So that he knows I'm fine. Haha. Love. Can. Be. So. Simple.