Self reflect

U know my last entry was just saying how I want to be a better person who knows my self worth. But it's rather hard. Tang isn't the sort who sings me praised all he time nor sweet talk me. Instead he could be rather straight forward and most of the time impatient with everything. 

Today I started ranting again when he told me he don't want to go to my aunts place. He told me he's like that since day 1 and insist that he won't change. Sigh. Anyway just to share the print screen. To remind myself that he knows and appreciates what I've been doing. 

Dear god. I pray that tang will listen to me more, get into my family more and be more understanding. 

Reminder

Here is a post to remind myself.

Two days ago when mil was here and grabbed baby from my hands when I failed to pacify him. I hated it when some one else can do a better job in pacifying my own baby.  Which was why I kind of hated the CL for certain times.

And then I went into the room and breastfeed baby at 6plus. Hubby walked in the room. I told him I miss Aunty. And then I admitted that I threw tantrum on her sometimes. He said he knows. He saw it a few times. He said I don't know how am I behaving. There were a few times I'm angry at her but I never did it infront of hubby. Yet hubby said he knows. Which means there were really times that I threw my temper without realising. 

Hubby knows. I just want to say the things thay I've done. He knows. I don't have to purposely blame him for not doing things. I don't have to look for appreciation. Because he knows them just that he don't say it. 

He always try his best to help. I must remember. 

I just discovered something. The messages that hubby sent to kaya. Hub sort of speak up some good words for me. Saying ive matured a lot and not that emo anymore. And then saying I'm the last person who brags. But I'm contented. I'm so touched by his words. I never heard him say all these to me  

Kaya didn't mention to him about how I took her photo to take part in the competition and won it. Sigh. Taking her photo is nothing. The swey part is I won something. :( maybe I should buy her an air ticket to Korea. If we were to reconcile one day. 

I have this stress when baby is alone with me. To breastfeed or bottle feed. To out on yaolan or not. Is he hot? Is he dirty after feed? Will I wake him up if I wipe him. Burp?! Diaper?? All these....... I'm going bonkers. 

Dear god. I pray that u take away my worries and mould me into a confident mummy who can enjoy the process of taking care of my baby. 

Dear lord I pray that u take care if Riordan's fussiness and not make it be part of his character. I pray for him to be more n more like u. Lord, he's been crying non stop n only stops when placed in the sarong. However I do not wan him to b so attached to the sarongs as it may be bothersome in future. Sigh, lord. I don't know if I'm doing anything correctly. I pray that you lead me. 

In Jesus name. Amen

I hate confinement. I wanna go out!

Can't wait for confinement to be over. :( Friday. Saturday. And half a Sunday. I think I can do everything by myself now. I am prepared. 

Tomorrow hub and I are going out together. Just both of us. He's going to get me a gift. Hehe.

Anyway I am in a dilemma and I need God to guide me. I bought a spring cot. It is to ease our day time. So that we can have more time to do housework or rest. But I don't want r to get too addicted to it. I am afraid that he will not want to sleep when we are outside and have to rush back for sarong. And i have issues telling Aunty all these. Recently she has been showing me attitude. She will not look at my eyes when I talk to her. Maybe I control too much. But didn't explain my concern to her. 

It's okay left with 3d2n! Can't wait for my mummy to come and be with me!

Cannot stand the confinement lady!!! She is so attitude :( sigh can't wait for her to go back. 

Amazing

Dear god. Ure amazing. I prayed than when hubby holds Riordan, he would enjoy it. And stop his cries because by this way I won't be tire out. And the following day, which is today... It happened! Riordan slept peacefully in his daddy's arms. 

God. You work in wonderful ways. Thank you for giving me so much support throughout and after pregnancy..!

Praise The Lord! :)

Dear lord. I thank you for answering my prayers. I thank you that you did not keep me waiting. Thank you for the blessings you've showered upon me and baby. I thank u for a happy family. :)

Riordan is much better now. He does not cry after his feeds. He doesn't keep puking. ;)